After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize