So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I love you.
Bad choice
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
