He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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