You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
