Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
