I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
