she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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