the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
