I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just blew my weed a kiss
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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