there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
