i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
