I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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