I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
