I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
