So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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