i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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