i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
