Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you didnt know i had herpes?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
