his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
