you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
