You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
