Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
