You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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