Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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