When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
