You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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