This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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