Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
