Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I love you. Go after that dick
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
