you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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