Jerry, you need to find god
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
