oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
