sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
