I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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