I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
