Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
