I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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