If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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