He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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