Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
