She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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