Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
