What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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