Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize