i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
