At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
