You're my little dorito
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
