After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize