i jhust puked up my retainher.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
