Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
