in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No subtext here. People are naked.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
