They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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