i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
