Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
