no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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