I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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