once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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