he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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