Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
