i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
