1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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