i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
