Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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