trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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