you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize