So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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