She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
