Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
