Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize